Time To Talk About How We Allowed An Abuser To Groom a Generation

The Who is Andrew Tate?

“It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up bitch,” he says in one video, acting out how he’d attack a woman if she accused him of cheating. In another, he describes throwing a woman’s things out of the window. In a third, he calls an ex-girlfriend who accused him of hitting her – an allegation he denies – a “dumb hoe”.

The self described “king of toxic masculinity”, was arrested in Romania on suspicion of human trafficking, rape and forming an organised crime group. Later claimed that “the matrix will not win because God is on our side”.. (did I miss a Neo vs Jesus sequel?!)

Tate and his brother have been detained along with two Romanians, with prosecutors claiming they “appear to have created an organised crime group with the purpose of recruiting, housing and exploiting women”.

Tates beliefs can be generalised under the Incel culture label. These beliefs are very much rooted in gender (gender stereotypes). That men are alpha, entitled to ‘respect’, that men are dominant and women should be submissive. Women are sexual objects. Everything gender tells us despite the evidence showing that pushing our children and ourselves into these ridiculous roles is not only limiting but very damaging.

Why should we care about this guy? Well if he hadn’t been condoned and enabled he would be in his mother’s basement, angry that his porn fueled delusions weren’t reality. Unfortunately he has been condoned and enabled including by the male run media and has therefore been able to exploit men and groom boys to such an extent, he has quite the car collection to prove it….apparently.

For this reason teaching critical analysis of gender stereotypes is part of the compulsory PSHE curriculum – I was part of the government roundtables and put it there myself. These socially constructed stereotypes are at the root of high suicide rates in men, rape, domestic abuse and more. It is absolutely vital and at the root cause of Ofsteds findings girls feel unsafe at school and the rise in child on child abuse. Tackling gender stereotypes is something clearly not being covered effectively given Tates reach.

I give you an example of how much of an issue that gender reinforcing is. For almost 10 years I have done the same exercise with children and young people asking them what is ‘being a man’ and the same list comes up: tough, big and strong, dominant, in control, logical – not emotional, good at violence and can protect, entitled to respect, has lots of women, people listen to him.

Look at that list, that we tell our boys they should be, that we portray men as in media as. If I asked you to make a list of of qualities for a domestic abuser…sexual predictor…terrorist – would it be any different? If I asked you to list what Putin or Trump or Robinson or Tate thought being ‘a real man’ was and that they were – would it still be the same then? Our boys deserve so much better don’t you think….

Tate says women belong in the home, can’t drive, and are a man’s property and dates women aged 18–19 because he can “make an imprint” on them. All very much in accordance with the male gender stereotypes.



Because these fragile incel men are drenched in this gender stereotype identity which feels so connected to their self worth they seem completely oblivious to the harm to themselves or others.

Adhering to gender means male victims won’t report abuse because they should have been strong and tough enough to be able to prevent it… Men won’t communicate or ask for help with their mental health issues because they better not cry like a girl, they should just man up right? And if that woman has rejected him or ended things, instead of emotional regulation skills they can grow a pair instead…resulting in men being the overwhelming majority of perpetrators towards men and women and children in every country and in every year. That men are literally dying to be men or they are killing you for not making them feel like one. To continue with these damaging gender rules fails our boys and girls alike and people perpetuating them such as Tate need to challenged.

Although it has to be said that Tate and gender wouldn’t be effective without those who condoned and enabled him. Those who rushed to gaslight the reaction to his message. Who minimised it’s harm. Who used DARVO to claim that he was infact the victim and simply a speaker of ‘truth’ simply to justify the fact that they saw things his way too. And that is at the heart of his enablers and their outrage at anyone pointing out the obvious about Tate. They are defensive for a reason.

Tate and his enablers use these well known perpetrator manipulation tactics that feminists have categorised for decades. Gaslighting, minimising, DARVO, grooming those around the target before the target, attacking the reputation of anyone who knows what’s being done… Tate has said that he thinks rape victims must “bear responsibility” for their attacks-useful for the one actually responsible. These tactics are familiar in paedocriminality, domestic abuse, terrorists, lone shooters, sexual predictors – all the same while all believing they are original and brilliant.

The national picture of Tate, his enablers (including within the media) and Incel culture is a worrying one. Some frame it as the backlash of #MeToo which we saw met with crying about a witch hunt without a shred of irony. This attitude and gender stereotypes reinforcing is very present in increasingly violent pornography and the sexualisation of girls. Its present in the complete lack of trust in the male dominated justice system to tackle violence against women and their response of not all cops rather than making actual change. It’s in a historical low rape conviction rate and a historical high in domestic homicides. It’s ‘pick up artists’. It’s women being told that their trauma or fear of male violence is fear mongering. It’s ‘not all men’ as if demanding that until every single man is a perpetrator then women aren’t allowed to mention the violence against them.

Tate has been effective because of gender and class. The UK has inexcusable and consistent failings in both of these areas. Constantly reinforcing them despite the damage and outright lies of both.

It is untrue that boys and men have no emotions. Emotions are human not female. Boys and men have the right to express them, develop emotional regulation skills, to ask for help when they need it and to receive that help without judgement, to have happy and healthy relationships with themselves and others. The Big Contradiction (Aitchison, 2016) of boys will be boys and not all men contradict each other and neither are true.

It is also untrue that we live in a meritocracy – the foundation of our justification of class nonsense. That we have a deserving and undeserving poor. That our wealth is directly linked to our character and our efforts is untrue. We justify labeling and mistreating ‘dole scum’ with the meritocracy lie. We claim those on benifits are feckless, lazy, criminals and just need to work harder. However if this were true….nurses wouldn’t be at food banks and on strike for fair pay. Because who works harder than them?

Tate has both gender and class status going for him. He appeals to a generation growing up in a cost of living crisis and a youth mental health crisis in a society that tells them they are worthless if they are poor or unmanly. We have to take responsibility for the perfect storm us grown-ups have created. And it is from this that Tates targeted grooming of vulnerable boys and young men has been so effective.

We need to stop condoning and enabling perpetrators and their tactics. We need to stop reinforcing gender and we need to be making sure that critical analysis of gender stereotypes is at the heart of our PSHE curriculum (2020). We need to stop lying about living in a meritocracy and remember the lessons of the Beveridge Report (Beveridge, 1942).

To clean up this mess we need to deliver a message to this generation that rivals Tates. That they do have worth. That they can contribute to society in lots of different ways. They can ask for help when they need it. That dignity and humanity do not have price tags. That status is not about dominating others so that you can stand upon them.